I Should’ve Tried Harder For You, Explore

Explore,

I know I shouldn’t have any regrets in life because I believe that everything that happened was meant to happen, but if I were to ever have any regrets at all, it would have been not being curious and brave enough to put my adventure hat on and experience a lot more when I was growing up.

You were around a lot as a kid, but you sadly slipped away as the years went by. I saturated too much logic in my reality and eventually began to seek you out in my head instead.

I should’ve reached out to you sooner, Explore.

The world is a scary place, and I could be gone in a flash. And if memories flash through my head one last time, would I have been satisfied with how I lived my life? Mixing fiction with reality, but allowing fiction to control the decisions I make?

I’d step outside but walk as if I wanted to reach the finish line right away with my earphones in, lips emotionless, eyes protected behind my glasses as they look interestingly at the ground, avoiding the curious stares of those around me.

The last time I checked the definition of being adventurous: this isn’t it, sis. (Note to self)

Explore, you were always by my side, and all I had to do was reach out to you. Just a quick left turn instead of right and I would’ve slowed down, put my earphones away, mouth a-smiling, and stare at my surroundings with gleaming eyes.

As I’m doing all that, I could possibly toss in a couple of blue highlights, call the fireflies to hang out on the trees, ask the rabbits to sing a Joseph Vincent song and paint the brick road purple.

It could get wild, and a bit rebellious.

I like it.

That’s why you’ve been pushing more adventure into my life, haven’t you, Explore? Whether they’re through the shows and movies I watch online, the music I listen to, or the stories others tell me. If I hadn’t slowed down when I did, I wouldn’t have caught on.

I wouldn’t have figured out how to go through the shrubbery when all the other roads were sparkly clean.

And I wouldn’t have thought about writing this letter to you, thanking you for welcoming you back into my reality.

As energies are slowly moving forward, I hope to experience more of you outside of my dream space. I hope that you enrich my soul and that the beam is stronger than the brightest star in the night sky.

I feel my heart and soul jumping in delight about all of this, with a bit of (good) nervousness. But I know that’s never going to go away no matter how comfortable I am to have you with me almost all the time.

Explore, I’d also like to quickly apologize for ignoring your pleas back then. I was caught up with a bunch of other duties that I failed to realize that I was suppressing a part of me that was never meant to be locked up in the first place.

I should’ve tried harder for you, Explore.

So now, I’m taking the chance with you, Explore.