Broken.
I created my website as a way to go through the journey of the self – healing, love, acceptance, and growth because I found myself experiencing a new era in my life.
In fact, I am still going through many changes and growth. I’m still making mistakes. I’m still figuring my life and myself out.
In short, I’m still a work in progress.
And every now and then, the dark clouds still come around, and I get stuck in them for a bit.
I hope that this post is a reminder that no matter how hard we work on ourselves, we will still have these dark cloud moments, and it’s okay. It is up to us to decide how deep we’ll get into them, and how much we’ll allow them to affect us in the long run.
I know this is just a phase I’m going through. It’s incredibly uncomfortable and I feel like I’m losing a year-long battle.
As I am writing this post, I am currently still in this dark cloud.
And we will see what goes on in here.
I think I’m way past broken, and more damaged.
I am so emotionally damaged.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore.
What am I living for?
My emotions change faster than humanely possible.
I keep my anger and frustrations to myself and end up lashing out at people who do not deserve to be lashed out at.
I take people’s actions and words way too seriously and often feel like I’m being personally attacked, even though in most cases they’re all just in my head.
I still can’t help but feel jealous of others who are able to do things I’ve been wanting to do and those whose life is progressing much further and faster than mine.
My trust issues are deeper than the Marianas Trench. I take everything that people tell me, even my loved ones, with a pinch of salt, which becomes a grain of salt once I catch them in even the littlest white lies.
I slowly drift away from friendships once I begin feeling like a burden or an option to them. And in most cases, I truly am an option.
People tell me they’d be there for me through my toughest times…I’m currently drowning, and no one is here.
I’m too damaged for many people to handle, and I’m often left to pick up the pieces on my own.
And I’m not sure if I want to pick up the pieces anymore.
