Holding on to memories and people that are no longer a part of my journey has been my most damaging weakness and setback.
For a long time, I’ve held on to the belief that, as a Scorpio, it’s in my personality to keep grudges. And, I’d constantly use that as an excuse to stay angry and resentful. Little did I know that I was also holding on to old sadness, pain, and shame.
It was annoying.
It was tiring.
It was suffocating.
I was kept prisoner by energies that I should’ve released years ago.
This is the part when I have to constantly remind myself that I’m ONLY HUMAN. Yes, I’ve felt all those negative emotions, but what’s life without them?
In my opinion, a life with just unicorns and rainbows eliminates healing, lessons, and growth… and this is a life that I wouldn’t want to be a part of, no matter how good and peaceful it may seem.
Life is meant to be balanced. We can’t have the good without the bad. We can’t heal without pain. We can’t learn without lessons. We can’t grow without planting seeds of progress.
It’s okay to remember what happened, but it becomes torturous if you hold on to those feelings that deem you unworthy of the blessings you do deserve in life.
Use those feelings instead to rise above and build the future you desire.
Letting go is definitely one of the hardest things we have to do. It’s something I’m still working on myself, but it’s my main focus right now. Apparently, it’s also the main focus of my subconscious.
I don’t remember much of my dreams, but when I do, I know they’re important messages I need to pay attention to. And for the past year, I’ve been having similar dreams of releasing friendships that are way past their season.
The latest one I dreamt about involved my best friend from junior high up until my sophomore year of high school. I cherished our friendship. Of course, we’d have our quarrels, but we always managed to reconcile. Our friendship became rocky when we attended different high schools. After sophomore year, we were left with messaging with each other. I tried so hard to keep in contact with her, but her life was advancing quicker than mine, and our friendship just faded away.
That’s essentially what happened in my dream. We arrived someplace together, then she suddenly ran away. At first, I didn’t know what to do and planned to chase after her until one of our mutual friends told me to let her go because I’ll never catch her. I didn’t listen and tried to find her. In what felt like hours, I couldn’t find her. So, I knew that I was never going to reach her, and went my own way.
I’m sure this goes for any of my friendships that have simply faded away. Our memories together are irreplaceable, and whether or not we end up crossing paths again, I’m grateful to have spent a portion of my life with them.
With this, I'm letting these friendships go and moving forward.
The same goes for situations that weren’t in my favor. I’ve had tons of embarrassing moments in life. I’ve had moments I’d wished ended differently or more positively. I’ve had moments where I’d think, “What in the world possessed me to do that?!” Whenever something negative happens now, I’d go back to the worst situations that happened in the past because that was my way of believing that what’s currently happening isn’t as bad as what’s happened before.
And that was pretty naïve of me to do.
I think one of the reasons why I would hold on to situations so tightly is that I’m thinking that others are also still holding on to those memories and would randomly bring them up for whatever reason.
Chances are, however, that 95% of people have their own lives to think of and focus on. We’re all building our own foundations and doing our best to live every day that we’ve developed a certain level of understanding of mistakes, embarrassing moments, and down days towards others.
We know that life happens – some considerably more chaotic than others.
Whatever upsetting, embarrassing situation that’s in my head is probably forgotten by everyone else, and I’m the only one still tightly holding on to it.
Currently, I’ve let go of so many situations that I’ve been carrying around for so long. If anything would be brought up, I’d simply say that we were young and hadn’t known any better. If we didn’t go through that, we wouldn’t have grown into the people we are now.
What’s happened, happened. We can’t change the experience, but we can heal, learn, and grow from them.