Love.
A deep feeling of emotion
That attracts the
Heart and mind towards
Madness,
Rebellion,
Confusion,
Wonder,
Excitement,
Fear,
Happiness.
I used to have this wild fascination
And complete belief
As a young, naïve little girl
That someday, I too,
Will finally have that
Heart-wrenching,
Soul searching,
Hero’s journey adventure,
And through it all,
I’d have my
Prince Charming,
Knight in Shining Armor
By my side.
And as we celebrate
The defeat of
The darkness, and
As we
Combat obstacles,
We’d have our
True love’s kiss,
And ride in a carriage that’s
Off to a beautiful
Castle in the clouds.
I waited.
And I hoped.
And I wished upon
Every shooting star
That glided across the
Heavenly skies.
I searched for signs
And validation that
He is the one.
That he is my
Prince.
But all that came back
To me was silence.
Rejection.
Heartache.
The heart may be fooled
Once or twice.
Little did I expect that
A Fiery anatomy
Of the body could fall
For such deception
More than a dozen times.
Then again, it could just
Be my own heart failing
To connect with another
As I have witnessed
The happy ever afters
Of those around me.
My mind tries to come up
With multiple reasons and
Deduce answers;
My heart is, more often than not,
Silent.
It’s as if everything she’s
Ever been through has
Given her the power
To solidify her armor and
Shield it from any
Human emotion towards
Romantic expeditions.
It’s as if everything she’s
Ever been through has
Made her forget all of those
Fairytale endings,
True love’s kisses,
Love at first sights.
She’s let go of
Everything she’s ever known
About romance,
Because for her,
Such emotion is nothing
More than a mere illusion
Stuck in a void of
Unreachable fantasy.
She’s tired.
I’m tired.
As the years go on,
My desire to be
Touched,
Cared for,
Admired,
Supported,
Wanted,
Loved by a lover
Weakens, and is
Ceasing to
Exist.
What used to be
Excitement,
Curiosity,
Patience,
Is now drowning in
Acceptance.
Accepting that not
Every soul in the world
Will be together with
Who they long for.
Accepting that there
Are some souls who
Are meant to live a
Lifetime on their own.
Accepting that their
Total happiness can be
Fulfilled
Within oneself.
Accepting that a part of my
Soul will always have a spot
Reserved for a partner,
Even though it is no longer
Waiting for him to arrive.
It is effortless going through
The sunny days with
Smiles and confidence.
The moon, however,
Knows all of my deepest
Desires.
It is during her time that
I crave to escape to
Another dimension so as
To not face the longing
And cries of the soul.
It is even more dangerous
Upon the late hours of the
Night when living beings
Are teleported to
The dreams of
Wishes,
Guilt,
Our subconscious.
My biggest enemy.
It sees beyond
The exterior that
My heart and soul
Have built up.
It bombards them
With questions and
Flashbacks of
Everything I want
To get rid of.
Yet, no matter how hard
It tries,
Nothing can get through
The armor that’s been
Strengthening for decades
And is now in full power.
Life throws many things at us,
The most annoying
Being curveballs.
But, no matter what
Curveball it throws at me
This time when it comes to
Romantic connections,
It won’t win.
It’ll have to keep throwing them
Even when I’m all
Bruised and
Out of my mind
Because at this point
In my life,
I am undoubtedly
Numb.
