Human beings will go through many relationships in their lives – whether they be friendships, coworkers, or lovers. The most important relationship I’ve learned, however, is the one we have with ourselves.
For years, I’d switch up who I was in order to fit in with certain people. If the group were extroverted, I’d have to boost up my energy so that I won’t be the “sad, lonely” energy among them. If the group were the highly educated ones, I’d have to put on my best thinking muscles so that I can help solve the assignments. Sure, I was generally known as the shy, quiet one, but in a way, I wanted to fit in with at least one certain group in order to get that feeling of belonging somewhere.
I was too focused on trying to build relationships with others, that I completely abandoned building a relationship with myself. Turns out, I had this bizarre notion in my head that I didn’t need to work on myself because, in movies and stories, there was always that Prince Charming who will come my way and do all the building for me.
I was living in a world where I thought my happiness and entire being was reliant on someone else.
It took me a while to figure out that I am my own happiness. I am my own success story. I am my own whole being.
I can achieve anything I want in life through my own passion, determination, and willingness to succeed. There may be people who will help me along the way, but in the end, I am the one who has to keep going.
And to help myself keep going, I need to focus on my self-growth and be the best version of myself.
Self-Growth Checklist
Build Strength & Confidence
I’m the type to constantly doubt myself, and expect negative results without even starting on anything. Thankfully, I don’t do it as much now, but the habit still lingers in my mind. I know there’s no trick to fully make it go away, so what I choose to focus on is trying. It never hurts to try anything, and if something fails, I have the confidence to say, “At least I tried, learned that it’s not meant for me, and I’m going to move towards other things.”
Believe in Oneself & One's Own Abilities
I’ve struggled for a long time with this, and only when I began allowing myself to feel this way about me did I find what I was truly capable of achieving. In order to believe in me, I have to stop trying to compare myself and compete with everyone else. What may work for others may not always work for me. What may be strengths for others may be my weaknesses and vice versa. So, I have to focus on the things that work for me and use my own strengths to my advantage.
Focus on Own Path
I may have a similar destiny as others, but my journey towards “our” destiny is mine and mine only. There’s no need for me to wonder why I have yet to achieve what others have achieved because my timeline is different from theirs. I’m not early, I’m not late – I’m right where I’m needed to be, moving forward step by step, day by day. Whatever is meant for me is bound towards me as long as I continue to do my soul’s purpose.
Trust the Journey
I’m trusting my journey and am receiving all my blessings at the right moments. Any moments of happiness or sadness are emotions that are on my path, and they’re there to let me know that I’m needing to learn a lesson, overcome a challenge, or be grateful to have achieved something. It’s okay for me to not know what’s coming or leaving because everything has a reason and are aligned with my current energy.
Live in the Present Moment
Let’s face it, I daydream… a lot. I daydream of situations that are possible only in my wildest imaginations, and for a long time, it’s gotten to a place that became unhealthy for my mind. A way for me to make daydreaming healthy again is to think more about plausible outcomes, and the euphoric feelings I’d want to feel when I’d actually achieve them. I also should stop thinking about the past. It’s over. The only thing I can do about it is to understand the lessons that the situations taught me and apply them to my present and future. By living in the present, I’m allowing myself to heal my past and look forward to my future. The present moment is where I get to focus on my work and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stay Grounded and Grateful
I’ve been practicing this mindset for years now and it has helped me tremendously. Being grateful limits the feelings of jealousy and desires, and when these emotions are not around, I feel immensely light and overall happy. Happy with what I have, who I am, and what I’m meant to achieve and focus on. Whenever I feel like life is being unfair to me, I think of the times when it has given me more than I’ve asked for.
Expand Daily Routine
I remember looking at my high school classmate’s yearly planner and being completely impressed by it. It was a regular-sized notebook, and she practically had things to do each day, whether or not her entire day was occupied, I love that she was always doing something. This is something that I’d want to be able to accomplish, especially now that I’m officially done with school (at least for now). I remember being productive for days at a time, and as tiring as they were, I loved getting out of bed, away from Netflix, and just doing things that expanded my knowledge, skills, and being. I’m working on bringing more productivity to my routine, but also balancing it out with taking care of my body.
Take Care of Physical Health
I’m not going to lie – I’ve let myself go since I stopped taking PE classes in high school. I finally had no reason to be physically active, and I barely ate vegetables. I didn’t see any problem with it at first, until I realized I’d stop taking selfies and have been afraid of purchasing new jeans. It’s hard to admit, but I know that I need and want to treat my body with the care it deserves by eating healthier foods and getting some physical activity done in my daily routine – whether they be yoga, daily workouts, or even some dancing. I’m also learning to give my body the rest it needs to rejuvenate by sleeping and waking up early.
Communicate Clearly
One main lesson I’m learning about living with a friend is how important communication is within any kind of relationship. There were multiple moments where we’d have arguments and confusion because one or both of us misunderstood or didn’t clarify what the other was communicating. I have to remind myself that everyone thinks and understands things differently. Any specific term I use in a sentence may give the whole sentence a different meaning to whoever I’m speaking it to.
Be Open to an Abundance of Compassion & Understanding
I was in my own world up until college. My ego and pride were the size of Jupiter, and I wanted to change that. Giving without expecting anything in return is an amazing feeling, especially when it comes straight from the heart. Listening to and understanding others’ opinions is also very rewarding as they helped me be more open-minded about the world around me. Not everyone thinks and feels the same way about certain things, and I’m thankful every day for it. Also, treating people with kindness, even when they don’t reciprocate the act, is the light that the world needs more of right now.
Let Things Go & Move Forward
When I was in junior high, I was deeply into horoscopes, and one day, I read how Scorpios were known to hold grudges for years. Somehow I’ve allowed that “fact” to be a reason as to why it takes me so long to get over certain situations, or why I still dislike certain people. I’ve learned, though, that it is really just an excuse to keep myself angry and hurt at what happened. Why would I want to do this to myself? It was probably my mind’s way of “helping” me not to experience these feelings again. In reality, I am actually still feeling these emotions because I’m still holding on to these memories and the emotions that come with them. Letting go of situations and people who are no longer a part of my journey is helping me advance even stronger and quicker than when I was still holding on to them.
Connect With Inner Child
I’ve lost her for so long, only realizing that I am in my true form of happiness when I have my inner child with me. I’m working on not focusing on what others think of me, especially when I do and am amazed at experiences that society deems is not appropriate for my age, such as being excited about making snow angels or still sleeping with a blanky. My inner child knows more about what sets my soul on fire and what brings me genuine joy and happiness. It is because of her that my path is getting clearer and clearer.
Forgive
There were many things I wasn’t proud of in my past. Many things I wish were handled differently and would’ve resulted in better outcomes. But, life happens. Lessons needed to be taught, some in the most emotionally painful ways. I have to accept that those things happened and that I need to stop carrying all that guilt with me because it’s the strongest force that’s slowing me down from moving forward. I’m only human, and humans are far from perfect.
Self-Love
Probably the hardest one I’m currently working on. It involves everything I’ve mentioned above, making it the most powerful and challenging type of love. It is the love I have for my mind, body, and soul. No one can ever take this love away from me once I fully accept and embody it.
