You’ve haunted me my entire life, and I never knew how draining it’s been to my mind and body with your false narratives and incessant mocking that belittled my ability to make my own decisions and remain positive about them.
How and why did I ever allow you to gain superiority within my own heart?
Instead of fully believing in myself, I handed the reins right over to you. Instead of taking those leaps of faith, I swerved and turned right back to where I came from. Instead of telling you to shut it, I gifted you the megaphone.
What’s more unfortunate is that I know you will always be with me, no matter how much confidence I’ve gained in myself and my abilities. But, you know what?
Moving forward, I’ll make sure you will be a mere whisper, quiet enough for me to quickly dismiss you and go about my day.
You’ve drawn your weapons.
You’ve had your fun.
Now, I’ll retake the reins, jump through every thorn and thistle I come across, and shout in triumph.
Doubt, you may have been heard in a forest of silence, but I promise that my voice will light up the forest of darkness.
It’s you and me, Doubt.
I’ve learned long ago that the only person who has the power to weaken and imprison you in the deepest dungeon of my mind is myself. Dozens of people may express their words of validation and support for me, but those words will never truly mean anything unless I deeply feel them on my own.
Without you, Doubt, I’m so damn proud of the person I grew up to be. I stopped questioning all of my scars, imperfections, and quirky traits because I’ve found them to be uniquely beautiful and have acknowledged them as pure strength. I imagined and created some of the most artistic work I had ever dreamt of because I embodied the freedom and joy I felt during those journeys.
You would be silent during those times.
And I think, it’s because my soul was singing stronger than your shouting foolishness.
I feel like I’m being harsh towards you, but it’s time to be confident, Doubt.
No matter how much time will take for you to realize that I am worth more than you painted me for, I’m going to keep pushing forward and, with a firm nudge here and there, allow my confidence to wake up from its slumber and glow upon its own terms.
Still, I thank you, Doubt, for guiding me towards the person I do want to become.
*Day 8 of 30 Letters In 30 Days – Your Biggest Insecurity