Love.
I grew up on the Disney trope of happy ever afters.
So, for a long time, I was looking for my Prince Charming and imagining what our happy ever after would be like.
Suffice it to say that he hasn’t shown up yet.
Confident to admit that I stopped looking for him a long time ago.
After years of rejection and not having that connection with anyone, my heart began putting a wall up around it. And right now, the material of the wall has been upgraded to titanium steel.
There are times when I believe that I am meant to live this life on my own. And I try to convince myself that that is the truth.
I’ve managed to make it this far in my life without having to rely on someone in a romantic sense, and thanks to this, I was able to achieve my own independence and get a sense of who I am, and what I want to do in life.
My self-love, I admit, is still a work in progress. But I am cherishing every step of the healing process, and I love that I get to be as vulnerable with myself as I ever could be with anyone else.
I used to believe that happiness can only come from another source, another person. But after going through some much-needed healing, I began learning that the purest form of happiness begins with me.
The purest form of acceptance begins with me.
The purest form of love begins with me.
Anyone else entering my life is an addition to all of the happiness, love, and acceptance that I have already planted and grown within me.
No one else can be part of the original formula. I am the source of power, and I am the artist of my own life.
Through my self-journey and conviction of giving up the idea that I will ever be with someone romantically, I can still feel my soul continuing the search for their life partner.
Especially nowadays, a lot of my close friends are with their life partners, and it’s enticing my soul’s longing for our own partner.
As much as we value our independence and other tempting reasons to stay single, there are moments when we crave that deep emotional connection with someone.
There are those longings for having that one person who will give us the love, protection, healing, and happiness that’s different from how others would give us.
There is the longing to gaze into each other’s eyes and see the universe in them, but in the center of the universe, we see ourselves. I see the raw, yet powerful love that we have for each other. I see the happiness that we add to each other’s lives. The fear of waking up someday and either one of us no longer lying in the same bed as them.
I long for long car drives, holding hands, taking in the scenery, saying everything, and saying nothing.
I long for cooking breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. And during the times when we’d cook together, we’d be making a mess in the kitchen because our inner children wanted to come out and play.
I long for random road trips or vacations to our dream destinations, even if those destinations are to a McDonald’s drive-thru at two in the morning.
I long for disagreements, arguments, and other challenges, as we rely on blind faith that our love, understanding, and patience for one another will be there every step of the way, helping us overcome whatever comes our way.
I long for starry-night cuddles, forehead kisses, and simply being in each other’s warm embraces.
I long for text messages of good morning, and good evening, and silly and sarcastic memes of our inside jokes and banters.
I long for starting a family and living in a home that is full of laughter, memories, adventures, and love.
I long for mutual respect and understanding of putting time into our own solo tasks and activities to further continue our independent healing, identity, and love.
I long for love with the sunshine, rainbows, and butterflies, with a sprinkle of thunderstorms and earthquakes once in a while.
Love.
Let’s see where it takes me.
