I grab hold of the kitchen sink as I continue to vomit.
It feels like I’m never going to stop.
It’s as if I’m going to spend my last waking moments in this position.
Thankfully, I stopped.
I wash the remains down the sink.
I rinse my mouth the best that I can.
I calmly walk towards the living room to breathe.
Then, I smell them.
They smell so…
I turn back around and walk towards the most delectable scents I have ever encountered.
They stare at me.
I must have them.
I must have them.
I sit in the corner of my room.
My hands feel like they’re being dipped in molten lava.
Sharp needles attacking my lungs.
My mouth covered within a deserted landscape.
I fight the urge.
The urge to go back to them.
The urge to open them up and have them in me.
I can hear them mocking me.
They’re telling me I’m too weak.
That they will never go away.
Because they hold the strings.
And if I let go,
I turn into nothing.
I turn into nothing.
I’m in my car.
Avoiding the constant destruction inside me.
There’s a storm brewing in hindsight.
Being pushed and pulled in all directions.
And I am walking directly into it.
Just as I’m about to explore the dead man’s zone,
I hear a scream.
And then another.
And another.
I wake up to a crowd surrounding something.
There is blood.
Lots of it.
I hear thumping.
I thrash around to identify where it was coming from.
I scream my loudest.
It was too much.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
I grab on tight to my steering wheel.
My breathing intensifies.
I look to my right and I see the source of the thumping.
It’s dark red.
And when I look closer, I see it moving.
The movement increases.
And faster…
And faster…
And then,
It stops.
It’s turning blue.
I see people carrying the man.
He looked so…
So young.
There seems to be nothing wrong with him.
I swallow.
And I look away.
And I look away.
I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen.
I slowly turn around.
Three times.
They’re all there.
Taunting me.
Daring me.
There is an open spot where I see a vision that should only appear in nightmares.
He is distraught.
Then, he flashes me images of the man at the store.
He warns me.
Confronts me.
This is not where he wants to be.
This is not what he wants for himself.
He has chosen to wake up.
He has chosen to wake up.
They’re gone.
All of them.
It’s hard to believe it.
To see it with my own eyes.
I thought I would never be able to do it.
But, I did.
And for that, I feel the storm inside of me dissipate.
I can consume without devouring.
I can crave without desiring.
The strings are releasing.
The strings are releasing.
I’m sitting on top of the counter.
Arms softly on top of my legs.
What once was cold is now warm.
Warmed by delectable smells that no longer rush in.
They come in portions.
They pay attention to the needs of my body.
They give me full control.
They want me to take the lead.
They want me to take the lead.
I grab hold of the kitchen sink as I rinse its contents away.
I calmly walk towards the living room to breathe.
Then, I smell them.
They smell so…
I look back to see them staring at me.
I smile at them and continue walking to my destination.
I have them.
But I no longer need them.
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