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I frantically throw things around my room.
My arms wrap around my head as the temperature rises.
I can’t feel the rest of my body.
Everything is becoming numb.
Why am I even doing this?
Everyone else is better than I am.
I don’t know why I try.
If I stop now, I can probably save myself from embarrassment.
If I stop now, I can save my dignity.
My reputation.
What reputation?
Oh right,
The reputation that I have yet to build.
If it’s even worth building.
I take a sip.
And a little more.
What the heck, a whole lot more wouldn’t hurt.
I observe everything around me.
They are covered in silence.
Or maybe embarrassment.
Are they so embarrassed that they do not want to talk to me?
Or even express themselves?
Let me know how I can make things better?
I have done nothing but provide for them.
I gave them as much as I could.
Were they not enough?
I look out from my window.
There is a woman sitting on the sidewalk.
Her eyes lock on something across from her.
Though her gaze runs a million yards further.
Surrounding her are three bags.
They look old.
Wrinkled.
And yet,
They seem to be cherished.
And loved.
Two masked individuals start to approach her.
More like, her bags.
I feel the hairs rise on the back of my neck.
They get closer.
I start banging on my windows, hoping she would see me.
She didn’t.
They are about to strike.
I start running downstairs.
I hear a scream…
And I start running faster.
My breath quickens.
The pounding of my feet gets louder.
I’m almost at my front door.
My thoughts run wild towards the woman within 10 feet away from me.
I need to save her.
I quickly pull my door open and run towards the woman.
Except…
There is no woman.
Or masked individuals.
Instead, what lay before me are scattered items.
Dozens, no hundreds, of them.
They’re beautiful.
And seem to have only been touched by their creator.
Why weren’t these publicized?
Why were they kept hidden?
They deserve recognition.
The praise.
The love.
I have never seen anything like these before.
Different.
Inspiring.
And they seem to call out to me.
They seem to understand me.
Tell me that what once never existed,
I’m leaning against my desk.
Everything seemed so silent before.
But now,
I can hear them.
One by one, they begin to talk.
They beg me to stop.
Stop with the doubts.
Stop with the comparing.
Stop with the tears.
The need to impress everyone.
The fear of being rejected.
Of being humiliated.
Of not being good enough.
Because just like my imagination,
I begin to uncover everything.
I begin to hear everything.
Many of them breathe a sigh of relief.
Many of them wonder where I have been for so long.
I feel tears roll down my cheeks.
Tears of happiness.
I’m looking upwards.
With my legs crossed beneath.
My eyes scan every inch of the room.
I see multiple shapes.
Colors.
Weight.
Most of all,
I see stories.
They’re happy.
Sad.
Crazy.
They’re laughing.
Getting angry.
Crying.
They are all unique in their own way.
I hurryingly throw things around my room.
I bite my lips in nervousness.
Why am I even doing this?
Everyone else is waiting for me.
But, I have to try right?
If I keep going, I can see what I’m truly capable of.
If I keep going, I can strengthen my dignity.
My reputation.
What reputation?
Oh right,
The reputation that is rising faster than it has ever been.
