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My fists create a hole in the wall.
It’s as if they’re moving all on their own.
I hear a crunch.
And then a crack.
One right after another.
It’s never-ending.
Soon, I see red.
What begins to look like a calm stream,
Eventually rushes into a harsh waterfall.
And just like the dam, I can feel the liquid pouring out.
But, I’m not limitless.
I will ultimately run out.
I look at the mess in front of me.
I no longer recognize them.
What happened?
I thought I was…
I thought…
I don’t know.
Did I do this?
If I did, why am I not feeling any pain?
I look down to see a girl staring back at me.
She looks like she has been through Hell and back.
Her eyes…
They’re swirling in a pool of darkness.
Vast emptiness.
Actually,
I see something hidden deep inside.
If I wasn’t looking closely, I would have missed it.
I see resentment.
A lot of it.
It feels like a ticking time bomb –
Ready to explode if I make the wrong move.
I’m quite frightened of her right now.
There’s no excitement.
No freedom.
Happiness.
Forgiveness.
She seems to be on a mission.
I hear beeping.
And multiple voices near me.
They become overwhelming and I abruptly open my eyes.
The strong smell of bleach and medicine invade my nose.
The hospital?
What am I doing here?
My hands are covered in white cloth.
I can’t seem to move them.
A brick wall seems to make it hard for me to move my head.
And once I successfully turn to the right,
I see a young girl with big, curious eyes.
She’s looking directly at me.
As our gazes locked, I almost failed to notice the black circle forming around her eye.
The more I look, the more I want to look away.
Her face –
It’s covered in scratches.
A few look like they’re fading away.
A lot are much more recent.
I gaze down towards the rest of her body.
Her arm is in a sling.
Her leg is hanging above her bed in a cast.
I go back to her eyes and silently ask her what happened.
Her gaze turns to someone who looks like an older version of her.
She seems completely out of it.
The eyes look as if she’d faced her worst nightmares.
The wrinkles on her forehead seem to go on for miles.
The hands…
They’re colored in blues and purples.
And most of all,
Reds.
I turn back towards the little girl.
Her face is looking down in what appears to be…
Shame?
Regret?
Abandonment.
Who would want to hurt such an innocent being?
Why did anyone allow such harm to happen to her?
I stare at the wall across from me.
What used to be perfect and untouched,
Is now worn out and cracked all over.
Did I do that?
I was capable of doing that?
How?
Why?
The harder I try to remember,
I take a deep breath.
With the breath, I inhale all of my anger.
All of my stress.
My fears.
My worries.
They stay in me for 1 second…
2 seconds…
3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8,
9,
10.
And then,
I exhale.
With the exhale,
I release them.
With the release,
I feel the white cloth falling.
I can hear them breathing.
I can feel them rejoicing.
They’re far from healing.
They’re still heavily scarred.
But,
They’re perfect in the most beautiful way.
They remind me of my past.
They tell me I’m living my present.
My hands flow freely against the wind.
It’s as if they’re moving all on their own.
I hear a splash.
And then a swoosh.
One right after another.
It’s never-ending.
Soon, I see green.
What used to be a harsh waterfall,
Is now a vast wonderland of nature.
And just like nature, I can create serenity.
Just like nature, I am constantly blooming.
I will never stop growing.
