I wake up sweating.
Feeling my insides burning;
Moaning at the touch of your skin against mine.
I turn to face you, but all I see are white linen sheets.
I inhale and slowly close my eyes.
Trying to remember what it must have felt like…
To have you near me.
To have you whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
To feel your hands graze my bare arms, making me shiver.
Pure bliss surrounded us.
It commanded our attention.
It desired for affection.
Yet it disappeared as quickly as your emotions.
Yet it disappeared as quickly as your emotions.
I stand before the mirror.
I see lines everywhere.
Some short; some long.
Everything is jagged.
To others, they’re nothing.
To me, they’re screaming out in agonizing pain.
I want to shout at them to stop it.
To leave me alone.
To disappear.
But, they don’t.
Instead, they taunt me.
They want to take over.
They love it when they cover my body.
They love being in control.
They love being in control.
I step outside my balcony in my bathrobe.
I look across and I see something that tightens my stomach.
A man and woman locked in a fiery adventure of passion.
Unaware of anything else around them.
More so that their window is wide open.
Their actions soon slow down, and I am sweating in despair.
I want –
No, NEED my release.
The couple later leaves the bedroom, and after a while, I start to head back into mine.
I stop, however, as I see the woman coming back in.
Curious, I sit back down.
The woman – she is absolutely breathtaking.
Her hair flows beautifully at her back.
Her curves stunning.
Suddenly, she hunches in front of her vanity.
Her shoulders shake.
She looks up at herself in the mirror, with a river of tears flowing down her soft cheeks.
She slowly wipes them away, tear by tear.
Soon, she stands and walks towards her balcony doors.
She opens them and looks up at the night sky, shimmering with millions of stars.
Her gaze falls on me and as much as I try to look away, I can’t.
I take a shaky breath.
I take a shaky breath.
I’m sitting at the foot of my bed.
And I slowly begin to untie my robe.
It drops behind me.
I grab a marker, and with it, I begin to see stars…
I see the sun…
The moon…
There are butterflies flying around.
Daisies are blossoming.
Daisies are blossoming.
I go to my closet.
I do not like the things I see.
They begged for attention.
They reek of desperation.
They controlled who I once was.
…And not who I deserve to be.
I go deeper into my closet, and for once in a long time,
I smile.
I see them.
Shunned away in boxes.
Boxes that should not have been there in the first place.
Finally, I feel like I can breathe again.
I feel at home.
I feel at home.
I lay on my bed.
With nothing but the sheets underneath my body.
My eyes are shut.
I begin to rub the outside of my thighs.
My hands slowly making their way up the sides of my stomach.
And finally to my hair.
My breath quickens.
I feel nothing but pure bliss.
I crave nothing but erotic love.
Love for my body that only I will truly ever know.
Love that knows no bounds.
There is no rush.
No exchange.
No hidden agenda.
Only freedom.
Only freedom.
I wake up to the sun softly caressing my face.
Feeling my insides relaxing;
Rejoicing at the fresh air surrounding my body.
I turn to face you, and all I see are white linen sheets.
I walk slowly to the mirror and stand before it.
I see lines everywhere I look.
They are now silent.
To me, they are now nothing.
Because I am now everything.
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